To
forgive means to be able to see the humanity of the other. Distorted at times.
Discoloured at times. Disfigured at times, but still humanity. To forgive someone who has wronged does
not mean that what was done was acceptable or should go unpunished but rather
to cut the chords which keep on binding the wounded one with the one who has
wounded. It is these toxic ties, which
continue to re wound. The chords can be
cut using more violence or by forgiveness.
Violence adds to the wounds a new dimension of pain. Forgiveness says “no more. you have no more power over me. You cannot harm me again” but refrains from
hurting the other. Again this adds to the dimension of humanity of both the victim, and the perpetrator.
That’s
why forgiveness is healing especially to the wounded. Compassion and forgiveness means sharing with
another their load, walking alongside, so that humanly speaking the load is
lightened. The prisoner chained in pain
is still a human person in pain and chained but who still needs bandaging.
Remembering
that a post abortive woman/man will suffer from lack of self esteem. Her own
dislike of herself. The barrier, which
existed between herself and everyone else.
Her sense of having “lost” herself. Her belief that she is not worth
living or helping. At times even her own
comments “I have killed my baby...I am a murderer I don’t deserve
anything” Her continual need to
“disappear” to a “safe place” (mentally) when life difficulties arise and in
that place she cannot see her life experience and her decision.
Her compulsive need to wash her hands (sense of feeling guilty and dirty)
and her lips (because she agreed and said YES to the abortion) All these
need to be recognised as signs that she cannot forgive herself and needs help
in this area of her life. To begin to forgive herself so she can forgive others
who “forced” “encouraged” “urged” “made” her have the abortion. Even the medical profession who carries out
these procedures.
Over
time much has to be spoken about and explored and forgiven and then let
go. Many losses discussed and wept over
and let go. Loss of security. Loss of
normal life without abortion in the history. Loss of femininity, loss, of
confidence in mothering, loss of motherhood, loss of place in family...many
losses.
But
most importantly helping the woman to see herself as good person beginning from
when she was a child. To see that little girl, that continued to make progress
and grow, and that the abortion, terrible as it was, has given her a new but different opportunity at life. An opportunity to begin again but as a
different person (a mother) because now she has known suffering and loss as
only a parent can know, and has come
through it, not without scars, but different because of her suffering. She cannot go back to a time pre abortion,
but she can continue in another but equally good way. The Way of
forgiveness. The Way of Jesus.